


Home and Back Again

by therunawaypen



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Bilbo has gone native, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Everybody Lives, Hair, Hair Braiding, M/M, Post BoFA, The Shire, and Thorin kinda likes it, the hobbits are in for a surprise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-13 00:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1205539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therunawaypen/pseuds/therunawaypen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Battle of the Five Armies, Bilbo has accepted Thorin's proposal for marriage and to become Consort under the Mountain. There's just the matter of Bilbo settling his affairs back in the Shire (not to mention have all his things sent to Erebor. So the Company all set out for the Shire once more, eager to help their burglar. </p><p>But Bilbo Baggins is not the same hobbit he was when he left the Shire. How will the hobbits of Hobbiton deal with a sword wielding, braid wearing, armor clad Bilbo?</p><p>Because while Bilbo might have left the Shire as Bilbo Baggins of Bag End, he's returning as Bilbo, Consort under the Mountain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So one night I was wanting to take a break from my prompts and write a Thilbo fic. This was originally meant to be a oneshot, but things are already getting out of hand!

The journey from Erebor to Hobbiton was infinitely easier than the journey in the opposite direction. Granted, that may have been because the westward journey did not feature being nearly eaten by trolls, chased by orcs, being held captive by overdramatic elven kings  (stuck up leaf-eater), or being nearly incinerated by a rather senile and bloodthirsty dragon.

It was rather boring, actually. All fourteen of them agreed (some more passionately than others). It had been quite a bit of a surprise to Bilbo that, when he announced that he would be returning to the Shire for the sake of getting his affairs in order, every single member of the company had insisted that they join Bilbo.

“The quest isn’t over, now is it?” Nori had teased, “Not until every member of the company is home.”

“Yer not gettin’ rid of us that easily.” Dwalin nodded firmly, arms crossed over his chest as if he might bully Bilbo into agreeing (Bilbo knew by now that wasn’t the case, it was just Dwalin’s body language saying that he had said his peace).

When Bilbo had asked if Thorin would join the company on the journey back, the King under the Mountain nearly ripped his stitches trying to climb out of his cot.

“If I hear you’ve left before I’m healed enough to join you.” Thorin had winced, “I will follow you, no matter what state I’m in. And you know that goes for Fíli and Kíli as well.”

Of course, Bilbo knew the men of the royal family (Kíli still wrinkled his nose at being referred to as such) well enough by now that they would do something that stupid. Especially Thorin, though Bilbo now knew that the king could hardly be expected to make logical choices when it came to his One.

And so the Quest for Bag End (as Bofur had taken to calling it) was postponed until all member of the company were in full health and Thorin had left Dain’s son, also named Thorin, as steward until they returned.

But Bilbo was hardly going to complain about the delay as he saw the trees of the Old Forest give way to the rolling hills of the Shire. To actually see the Shire once more, when he was so sure that he would have died on the quest to reclaim the Lonely Mountain… Bilbo could remember the nights during his journey in which he dreamed of nothing but the comfort of Bag End. How he had missed it.

“It’s good to be home, eh Bilbo?”

Bilbo turned in his saddle on his pony, looking back at Kíli, “It’s good to be back, yes.” Bilbo admitted, “Even if it is just a short visit.”

There was part of Bilbo that was kicking and screaming at him for even thinking of leaving the Shire permanently (this was most likely the Baggins in him). But Bilbo knew he wasn’t the same hobbit he was when he left, perhaps the Took in him was finally taken control and would not be letting go of him anytime soon.

A pony moved next to Bilbo, and the hobbit didn’t need to look to know it was Thorin, “It looks much different in the daytime,” The king admitted lowly.

Bilbo smiled softly, turning his gaze toward his betrothed, “It’s beautiful…”

“Indeed.”

“You know, Thorin.” Bilbo smirked, “You really do have to tell me now how you got lost twice in the Shire.”

The company was laughing now, and it was a great testament to Thorin’s change in character that he seemed to find the humor in the situation. Perhaps the journey had been good for all of them…

Bofur nudged his pony forward, “Well we can’t wait here lookin’ at it!” The miner laughed, grinning wildly.

The hobbit chuckled, dismounting from his pony, “I’m coming, don’t you worry.” At some of the raised eyebrows of the company, Bilbo smiled, “Hobbits don’t ride ponies. I can’t be making a spectacle of myself coming in to Hobbiton, now can I?”

With that, Bilbo Baggins turned and made his way back in the direction of Bag End.

There was a moment in which none of the company made to follow Bilbo, allowing their burglar to make his way down the road.

Dwalin shook his head, “The lad still thinks he’s a respectable gentlehobbit?”

Balin sighed, “It would appear so.”

The company began to discuss among themselves about the problem at hand.

“Someone ought to tell him.”

“I’m not telling him.”

“Well don’t look at me!”

Thorin Oakenshield paid little mind to the bickering of his company, content to watch as his betrothed as he walked down the dirt path, the beads in his hair catching the noon sun.

During the course of their quest, Bilbo had proven himself to be the most brave and noble dwarf any of them had known…with the exception of him not technically being a dwarf at all. So they called him “dwarf-friend,” an honorary dwarf. Thorin had all but insisted Bilbo be given the Braid of Valor when they prepared to leave Laketown, not only for his actions against Azog, but for his efforts to rescue the company from Thranduil. Bilbo had protested at first, but could hardly deny the company anything for very long (especially with Fíli, Kíli, and Ori all looking at him with adoration). And so Bilbo received his first braid.

Of course, after the first braid, things rather spiraled out of control from there. Especially after Smaug’s death, and Thorin had his kingdom once more. Because by then, nothing was going to stop the King under the Mountain from courting his One.

So, by the time the company was prepared to journey to the Shire, Bilbo Baggins hardly resembled a hobbit anymore. For one, he was properly dressed for travel, complete with a sturdy travel coat to match Thorin’s own (though Bilbo’s was made a deep shade of hunter green—as if the hobbit needed any aid in being unnoticed). And the braids Bilbo had received now had beads worthy of the future Consort of Erebor—Thorin had handpicked each bead that would be placed in Bilbo’s hair, or on his feet, where the hair was thick enough to be considered a substitute for a beard.

The first time Thorin had woven the beads into the hair on Bilbo’s feet, he couldn’t help but be reminded of the way his grandfather had woven his own beard. So many painful memories there, but watching Bilbo walk around with the tops of his feet glittering with beads that Thorin had braided into the hair…well, it chased away bad memories and replaced them with happier memories.

Of course, Thorin’s favorite braid was the one in front of Bilbo’s left ear, dangling by Bilbo’s chin and proudly clasped with a bead bearing the crest of the house of Durin, naming him Thorin’s Consort.

All in all, Bilbo’s status as an honorary dwarf was almost a complete metamorphosis (even Thorin couldn’t get Bilbo to embrace every dwarf custom).

Thorin was jerked from his thoughts when his oldest nephew drove an elbow into his side, “Perhaps we should catch up to Bilbo, Uncle. We wouldn’t want to miss the excitement, now would we?” Fíli grinned.

The king smirked, urging his pony forward, “Indeed, we would not.” After all, the Shire was hardly prepared to meet Bilbo, Consort under the Mountain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, got another chapter up! Hopefully it goes into more of Bilbo's dwarvish side. I didn't want Bilbo to be "completely dwarf," he's still very much a hobbit at heart, I just wanted him to start showing how much of the dwarvish culture he's adopted.

The Shire was just as beautiful as Bilbo remembered it. So much green grass over every hill, with wildflowers along the paths and gardens growing by nearly every door he passed. Now those where things he missed amidst the stone of the Lonely Mountain. He really would have to talk to Thorin about allowing him to have a garden in Erebor (after he retrieved his collection of seeds from Bag End, of course).

Bilbo was so lost in his thoughts about grass and other green thoughts that he didn’t even realize he wasn’t alone until he heard the crackling of pottery shattering against the dirt path. Turning to look, Bilbo could feel the grin spreading across his face, “Hamfast! It’s so good to see you again!”

The gardener in question was standing dumbfounded at Bilbo, a flowerpot laying shattered at his feet (now that was a real shame, Bilbo couldn’t help but note, but perhaps the plants could be saved), “M-mister Bilbo?” Hamfast blinked, “Is that you?”

“Of course it’s me, Ham.” Bilbo smiled warmly, “Who else would it be?”

Shaking himself from his stupor, Hamfast knelt to pick up the broken pottery, “I don’t rightly know, Mister Bilbo.” He shook his head, “What with you up and vanishing one morning without so much as a goodbye…there were stories, Mister Bilbo. Stories about you being spirited away or some other terrible things.”

Bilbo couldn’t help but chuckle at Hamfast’s dramatics, “I assure you, Hamfast, the truth is quite a tale, to be sure.”

Hamfast paused, looking up at Bilbo, “Is that why you…”

“Why I…what?” Bilbo raised an eyebrow.

Before Hamfast could answer, the dwarves made their way around the corner, riding their ponies and all.

“There you are, Bilbo!” Fíli laughed from his pony, “Don’t go too fast, you don’t want uncle to get lost again, do you?”

The company all broke into raucous laughter at Thorin’s expense. The king merely rolled his eyes, giving his nephews a halfhearted glare before dismounting from his pony, “Will this always be a laughing point for you lot?”

“There are few things one can find to laugh about when it comes to the king.” Balin nodded sagely.

“K-king?”

The group stopped their laughter at Thorin’s expense to turn their attention to Hamfast, who was staring at the company in much the same way a rabbit might look at a wolf.

Bilbo shook his head, “Oh where are my manners?” He sighed, “To damn long on the road...Everyone, this is Hamfast Gamgee, my gardener and a good friend of mine.” He clapped Hamfast on the shoulder, not noticing how Ham’s knees threatened to buckle under Bilbo’s hand, “Ham, allow me to introduce…well, everyone.”

The company laughed once more before Balin dismounted from his pony, “Balin, and my brother Dwalin, at your service.” He bowed slightly while Dwalin gave Hamfast a curt nod as he dismounted which left the poor gardener cowering slightly behind Bilbo.

Gloin didn’t help matters with his boisterous demeanor, “Gloin, along with my brother Óin, at your service.” He boomed, and Bilbo worried that he might blow Hamfast clean over by the sheer power of his voice alone.

Thankfully it was Ori who approached Hamfast next, shaking his hand exuberantly (though the poor hobbit still looked a bit dazed to Bilbo), “I’m Ori, and these are my brothers Dori and Nori,” The older Ri brothers both bowed (after getting their feet on the ground) when their names were mentioned, “And we’re at your service, Master Gamgee.”

The honorific must have snapped Hamfast out of the daze he was in, as he cleared his throat, “Now none of this “master” business, lad. I’m just a gardener.”

“Not a grocer?” Bofur grinned from his pony, making Fíli and Kíli laugh once more.

Seeing Hamfast’s confused expression, Bilbo smiled, “It’s a bit hard to explain the joke.” He offered lamely.

Bofur nodded, “Aye, I doubt it’d make sense unless you had been there.” The miner chuckled lightly as he gave an overdramatic bow (though to Bilbo’s annoyance, his hat remained securely on his head), “Bofur, at your service, _Mister_ Gamgee.” He smiled, gesturing back towards his own family, “As well as my cousin Bifur and the big fellow is my brother Bombur.”

Bilbo gave Hamfast a nudge, “No doubt he’d be able to eat one of Bell’s meals singlehandedly.”

“If not eat you out of house and home!” Kíli blurted, a cheeky grin on his face.

Thorin rolled his eyes, “Forgive my nephew, Kíli, Master Gamgee.”

Hamfast opened his mouth to protest Thorin’s formal address, but Bilbo shook his head, “I wouldn’t waste my breath. Usually when Thorin puts his mind to something, it takes a near death experience to change his mind.”

The king gave his consort an amused look, eyebrow raised, “Yes, well, as I was saying, Master Gamgee, my nephews: Kíli and Fíli.” The two youths gave cheery waves, “And I am Thorin, son of Thráin, son of Thrór…king of Erebor.”

There was a note of pride in Thorin’s voice as he announced himself as king, pride that Bilbo could not begrudge him one bit. After all Thorin had done to try and get his kingdom back (after they _all_ had done), a little pride at a job well done could hardly be looked down upon. And if he was honest, Bilbo was proud of Thorin as well, for becoming the dwarf he was always meant to be.

Of course, while everyone else was feeling pride, Hamfast was no doubt feeling overwhelmed, “King…” he murmured, “Oh Mister Bilbo, you vanish into thin air and you return months later, traveling with a king!”

“I know it’s a bit much to take in at first, Hamfast.” Bilbo chuckled, “I hardly doubt you’ll be able to remember their names for a while.”

“A bit much…” Hamfast shook his head, “What I’d give for my pipe right now…”

Bilbo nodded, “Probably a good idea. Come, why don’t we head up to Bag End, get ready for tea and I can tell you about the adventure I went on?”

Of all the things Bilbo had expected from Hamfast at the mention of a quiet afternoon in Bag End, him blanching whiter than a sheet drying on a clothesline was not one of them. “Mister Bilbo…Bag End, it’s…well, you were gone so long…there were stories that you had _died_ …Miss Lobelia…”

That was all Bilbo needed to hear as he raised a hand to stop Ham’s nervous ramblings. He really shouldn’t have been surprised; Lobelia and Otho had been eyeing Bag End for years (as if they had any right to it). “So much for a quiet afternoon…” He huffed, his hand absentmindedly drifting to Sting, fingers drumming against the hilt.

Thorin raised an eyebrow, “Problems, Bilbo?”

Bilbo sighed, continuing his way down the road, “Well since I helped you get rid of the dragon in your home, you might as well help me get rid of the one in mine.”

Thorin walked side by side with Bilbo, “I take it this is a metaphorical dragon.”

“All the greed condensed into a conniving hobbit couple.” Bilbo huffed, “No doubt they’ve moved themselves into Bag End and made themselves quite comfortable…”

Hamfast nearly ran to keep up with Bilbo, “I’m sorry Mister Bilbo, a _dragon?_ ”

“Not the best time, Hamfast.” Bilbo rested a hand on his gardener’s shoulder, “I promise I will tell you the tale when there is time. At the moment, I’m sorely tempted to cut off all of Otho and Lobelia’s hair.”

As the company and Hamfast made their way to Bag End, there was a murmur of agreement rippling through the dwarves. Hamfast, however, blinked, “Hair?”

Fíli and Kíli came up on either side of Hamfast, pulling the hobbit along with them.

“This will be good.” Kíli grinned.

“I don’t think I’ve seen Bilbo this mad before.” Fíli nodded, “And here I thought there wouldn’t be bloodshed in the Shire.”

“Bloodshed?” Hamfast’s eyes widened, “Nonono, you’re mistaken! Mister Bilbo wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

The brothers shared a look, then a grin.

Fíli shrugged, “A fly, maybe—”

“But an orc…”

“Or a troll,”

“Or a goblin,”

 “Not so much.” The princes concluded together.

Poor Hamfast. So much to learn about his (former?) employer in one day… “… _orcs?”_

Meanwhile, Bilbo finally came across the bright green door of Bag End. He had really wanted to take a moment to treasure the sight of his beloved home. But honestly, it was a bit hard to do that when there was a sign posted on his front gate: **_Auction Today_**.

He grit his teeth, taking the sign and ripping it down with such force that the gate itself nearly swung off its hinges. After tossing aside the sign, as well as taking a moment to carefully tuck his Consort Braid behind his ear (it wouldn’t do for it to get caught on something or—Mahal forbid, _cut—_ if a fight _did_ ensue), Bilbo marched up to the front door of his home.

He didn’t bother knocking, it _was_ after all, his home. And if he was being rude, well, he didn’t care. The door swung open with little effort as Bilbo turned the knob (though he was slightly satisfied to see the mark Gandalf had placed on the door those months ago was still present).

Bag End was abuzz with activity: hobbits milling around the home, conversing with one another on the latest gossip. But the real activity was in the main room, where it would appear that Bilbo’s belongings, not to mention those of his parents, were being auctioned off by a pair of Sackville-Bagginses (or rather, the _only_ Sackville-Bagginses).

Well, Bilbo couldn’t have _that_ happening, now could he?

“I hope I’m not _interrupting_ something,” Bilbo called out, his voice used to having to yell (or scream, on occasion) and easily carrying over the noise of the auction. The noise of idle chatter and gossip began to die out, and slowly the eyes and ears of every hobbit in Bag End turned to look at Bilbo. There was even the faint crash of a teacup shattering against the floor (it had better not have been one of his, thank you very much). “Now, could someone tell me what you’re all doing in my home?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teehee, sorry, no confrontation quite yet! Next chapter, I promise! Poor Hamfast, there's just so much for him to take in!
> 
> And man, it is hard trying to juggle 13 dwarves in a conversation! Hopefully after the big confrontation, there can be freedom for everyone to do their own thing.
> 
> Let me know if you have any ideas what should happen next!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than expected to write out! I hope you guys enjoy!

For a long while, no one said anything, everyone was simply staring at Bilbo in stunned silence. Even Lobelia and Otho, who looked like they were in the process of selling off his mother’s West Farthing dishes, seemed frozen in place.

Bilbo wasn’t that amused. Honestly, could no one wait for him to die before getting their hands on his things?

Then a voice cut through the silence, “Is that Bilbo Baggins?”

Bilbo wanted to roll his eyes, recognizing the voice. Of course Paladin would be the first to speak before thinking… “Yes, it’s me!” Bilbo huffed, hands on his hips, “Who did you think it was?”

Paladin stepped out from where he was drinking tea, “I don’t rightly know,” He admitted, “Considering the fact everyone thought you were dead for months now.”

That didn’t surprise Bilbo in the slightest. The only way anyone would allow Otho and Lobelia to auction off Bilbo’s things would have been over Bilbo’s dead body. He’d have to learn the story behind how the couple convinced the Shire of his death at a later time, though.

Bilbo gave a dramatic flourish of his arms, “Not dead.” He stated dryly.

“Obviously.” Paladin took another sip of his tea, “But what in Yavanna’s name happened to you?”

That gave Bilbo pause. He had run out of the Shire without much (any) warning, “Now that, is quite a long story.” Bilbo nodded, “And I’m more than willing to tell people at a later time, but for now, I would very much like to remind you all that you cannot buy my things.”

There were several less than pleasant looks sent toward Otho and Lobelia, though Bilbo could hardly find it in him to be the least bit sympathetic. Greedy little goblins, it would serve them right if they had to spend the rest of the week giving back the money they had earned from unlawfully selling Bilbo’s belongings.

In fact, watching the crowd turn in outrage to the Sackville-Bagginses was quite satisfying.

“Now if they can just get out of my home…” Bilbo muttered, looking around and, seeing a table laid out for a potluck, helped himself to a finger sandwich. It was tea time after all.

Bilbo was interrupted from his thoughts by a gentle tug on his coat. Blinking, he looked down to see a little faunt looking up at him (for the life of him, he couldn’t remember whose faunt it was). “Yes?”

The faunt looked up at him, blue eyes wide with curiosity, “Mister Bilbo, why do you look so funny?”

 _Well_ , definitely a Took child then, “What do you mean?” Bilbo asked politely.

The little girl pointed to his coat, “You’re dressed all strange…”

“This?” Bilbo smoothed his hand over the dark green material of his coat. Dori had done quite a wonderful job making it in such the short time that he had, and with what little materials he must have had to work with, “This isn’t strange. It’s a perfectly suitable coat to travel in. Nice and sturdy, and it keeps the rain off quite nicely—”

Another faunt had made his way over to Bilbo, this one looking curiously at his feet, “What’s these on your feet?” he asked, poking at the hair on Bilbo’s feet and touching the beads braided into it.

“Those are beads, silly boy.” Bilbo chuckled, “Like the ones in my hair.”

“Why do you have girly braids in your hair?” The boy blinked up at him.

Bilbo huffed. Mahal save him from the cheekiness of Took children… “They are not girly braids, thank you very much. They are quite—”

It was only then that Bilbo caught sight of himself for the first time in several months, his reflection looking back at him from his mother’s mirror propped up against the wall.

When Thorin first insisted on giving Bilbo braids, he had been unsure; the company had all but insisted he had take the honor. It had taken Bilbo the entire time they had been in Laketown to get used to the tight corded braid that curved around his right ear: a two stranded twist to symbolize his heroic acts (one for his stand against Azog, the other for his rescuing the company from Thranduil). This had become a three stranded cord after the Battle of the Five Armies where Bilbo had saved Thorin from Azog and Bolg, allowing the King under the Mountain to in turn save his nephews.

In addition to his “valor braids” as Bilbo learned they were called, Thorin had insisted that Bilbo wear braids of cunning for his work with the trolls (not to mention Smaug himself). Those braids had been done in the bottommost layer of Bilbo’s hair: twin braids that began at the bottom of his ears and snaked down his hairline and met at the nape of his neck in a single braid. When Bilbo had argued that no one would see those braids if the rest of his hair grew out, the company had laughed, stating that cunning should only be known to those willing to look for it.

But the most obvious braid was the Queen’s Braid (or in Bilbo’s case, the Consort Braid): an elegant waterfall braid that began at Bilbo’s right temple and arced around the back of his head, ending in a braid dangling at Bilbo’s left ear. The braid was woven with a ribbon of Durin blue, and secured with a bead bearing the Durin crest, so there was no mistaking which king Bilbo had pledged himself to. Bilbo hadn’t wanted to make a fuss over such a feminine braid, and his qualms about the braid died when Thorin had explained the last dwarf to wear such a braid had been his mother. Bilbo wore the braid with pride now.

And now those braids were staring back at Bilbo in the mirror, along with Sting hanging from his belt and his coat, made in the dwarven style.

“Oh my…” Bilbo chuckled, touching his valor braid carefully, “I don’t look very hobbity at all, do I?”

The faunts shook their heads, along with several of the adults in the room.

Paladin, the prat, took another sip of his tea, “I daresay the dwarves in Bree look more hobbity then you.” He smiled slightly, amused.

“Well, funny you should mention dwarves, considering the fact I’ve been traveling with dwarves, so it’s perfectly acceptable for me to be dressed like one.” Bilbo nodded, turning to ask Thorin to validate his claim. Only to find that the king was nowhere to be found, nor were any of the other dwarves. Bilbo huffed, going back to the door. Honestly, if Thorin managed to get lost in the all but twenty meters it was to Bag End…

Bilbo was about to open the door to go search for his wayward company when Thorin opened the door himself. For all the teasing Bilbo gave Thorin about his need to make an entrance, he was certainly glad to have the King under the Mountain make a grand entrance into Bag End. Let Otho put _that_ in his pipe and smoke it!

“I was wondering where you were.” Bilbo muttered, “I was beginning to wonder if you had gotten lost again.”

“Forgive our tardiness, Bilbo.” Thorin gave Bilbo a small nod, “We were finding a place to tie the ponies. I doubt it would be appreciated if we left them to wander the Shire.”

Bilbo nodded, conceding to Thorin’s reasoning. “Well, I suppose you haven’t missed too much: I was just reminding everyone that I’m not dead.”

The door to Bag End opened once more, this time admitting several more of the company, led by Kíli, who was all but bouncing with excitement as he got inside, “Are we late?” The young dwarf grinned, “Has Bilbo killed anyone?”

“Kíli, I am _not_ going to kill anyone…” Bilbo rolled his eyes, “Do not tempt me…”

“ _Bilbo Baggins!”_

It took all of Bilbo’s control to suppress the groan threatening to bubble up. He had really hoped that Lobelia would have the sense to try and sneak away once Bilbo had revealed himself to be alive and well. But apparently not. He sighed, turning to face his cousin (even if only by marriage), “Why hello Lobelia. How nice of you to come visit me in _my_ home.”

Lobelia didn’t look the least bit amused, “What is the meaning of this?” She huffed, “You leave without telling a single soul for nearly a year, and now you come, dressed as a vagabond with ridiculous braids in your hair, and expect everything to be as you left it?”

Both Thorin and Kíli looked insulted at Lobelia’s words, and Bilbo could imagine that, wherever he was, Fíli was equally insulted. And Bilbo couldn’t blame them. Bilbo was certainly _not_ dressed as a vagabond, he was dressed in no less than what his companions were wearing for the journey. And to insult his _braids_ , the ones he had earned and the one that represented his soon-to-be family. Ooo, Bilbo had half a mind to slap Lobelia senseless.

But no, that wasn’t very respectable. “I have every right to return to my home expecting it the way I left it, Lobelia.” He stated calmly, “And when and why I leave is no concern of anyone except myself. And thirdly, if you all truly believed me to be dead, which I may grant you might have been a completely reasonable assumption,” He did have to admit, the chances of him being dead had been pretty high, “I did leave a detailed will in my study which was to be read upon my death.” Bilbo didn’t need Kíli’s archer eyes to see the shifty look on Lobelia’s face, “I thought you might have kept that a little secret.”

By now, many of the hobbits at the auction were preparing to leave or were returning the things they had purchased. The number of disapproving looks at Lobelia and Otho was a small satisfaction to Bilbo, “I expect _all_ my things returned,” Bilbo raised his voice so everyone could hear him, “I will be checking.”

Thorin stood behind Bilbo, arms crossed over his chest, “We would hate to have to hunt down to find the missing items.”

While Bilbo was still annoyed at the entire auction ordeal, he couldn’t help but glow at Thorin’s aggressive display on his behalf. No doubt if Thorin _did_ try and hunt down the missing items, it would take him all day just to find his way around. But of course, the Sackville-Bagginses couldn’t let Bilbo have the last word. Though this time it was Otho who spoke up.

“How _dare_ you, Bilbo Baggins!” The grubby hobbit huffed, “How dare you bring in a gang of thugs to threaten the rest of us _respectable_ hobbits. Have you gone _mad?_ ”

 _Probably_ , Bilbo mused, placing a hand on Kíli’s arm when the archer made to move toward Otho. Honestly, was everyone _trying_ to pick a fight? He took a calming breath, “First of all, Otho, I’ll have you know that I do not need my companions to threaten anyone. I’ve handled trolls, orcs, and an odd dragon, I’m sure I’m perfectly capable of handling a pair of greedy—” Bilbo paused remembering the faunts that were still watching him, “ _relatives_.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes. Honestly, and he had at one point considered the Sackville-Bagginses to be a serious problem? “And as for my guest…where are my manners? I should introduce you.” Bilbo continued, stepping aside so Thorin was in full view of the party, “Allow me to introduce Thorin Oakenshield—”

“—King of Erebor.” Thorin finished, adding a small bow for a dramatic effect (Bilbo suspected Thorin was rather enjoying the theatrics).

And of course, from there, all hell broke loose, with Hobbits in a frenzy trying to figure out what best to do in the presence of a king.

Bilbo heard a chuckle at his side, and turned to look at Paladin, “And here I thought this auction would be boring.” He smirked, finishing his tea, “Saradoc is going to be hopping mad he missed it when he hears about this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! I hope you guys enjoyed the confrontation and Bilbo finally noticing his big change. I hope I described Bilbo's hair braids well enough. Maybe you guys can give me ideas of what Bilbo would be wearing in his "beard" (feet hair).
> 
> I don't know why the confrontation with the Sackville-Bagginses was so short, but honestly, I didn't know how to make it last any longer.
> 
> And for some reason, Paladin turned into a cheeky prat. And Thorin into a drama king (maybe he just likes impressing people).


	4. Chapter 4

It was a relief when Bilbo was finally able to close the door of Bag End after all the auction goers had left (even if he had nearly had to beat Lobelia and Otho off with a broom). Apparently, simply returning to Bag End would be an adventure in and of itself.

“My, hobbits sure are a fussy bunch, aren’t they?” Bofur smiled. Bifur grunted something in agreement, as the rest of the company nodded.

Bilbo rolled his eyes (even if he wasn’t allowed to know Khuzdul until after his and Thorin’s wedding, he could make a pretty educated guess at what Bifur was saying, “To be fair, you did give them a bit of a fright.”

“At least none of them fainted.” Dwalin gave Bilbo a look.

“Oh for the love of—” Bilbo shook his head, unfastening the belt that held his coat in place before shrugging off the garment and hanging it up, “You lot can be very overwhelming when you put your minds to it.”

Thorin rested a hand on Bilbo’s shoulder, “I’m afraid that to the company, you’ll always be the fainting hobbit.”

“And you, the king with no sense of direction.” Bilbo teased gently, “Together, we shall drive Erebor to ruin.”

The dwarf king raised an eyebrow, trying not to show how amused he was, “So is it common for hobbit relatives to think you dead after such a short absence?”

A laugh burst from Bilbo before he could stop it, “Well, you’ll have to remember that it isn’t too common for a hobbit to leave the Shire at all.”

From his spot by the fireplace, Ori looked at Bilbo curiously, “Do hobbits really never leave here?”

“They do,” Bilbo conceded, walking through the front hall, “It’s usually only for necessity though, such as business. But we never leave without telling family and friends where we’re going, and even then, no hobbit goes any further than Bree.” He paused, chuckling as he passed a portrait of his parents. No doubt his mother was smiling down on him from wherever she was, while his father was probably shaking his head and wanting a good smoke. “So for me to just up and leave without so much as a goodbye…goodness, they all must think I’m mad.”

Glóin snorted, “Nothing we didn’t already know, lad.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes, “Yes well, no doubt after a few months and a few searches for my body, they figured I must have died.” He hummed slightly, examining the boxes of his things, “Though why the Sackville-Bagginses thought they would inherit is beyond me…Though, as much as it pains me to say this, they might have done me a favor, packing up all of my things.”

“Less time it will take us to pack before Amad gets here.” Kíli nodded, relieved at the thought of less work.

The thought of meeting Thorin’s sister, Fíli and Kíli’s mother, was slightly unnerving to Bilbo. And by slightly, that meant incredibly. He still internally winced when he thought about the princess stopping by Bag End as she led her caravan to Erebor, no matter how much Thorin tried to reassure him.

But no sense in worrying about that at the moment, he told himself. Instead, Bilbo ran his hand over his mother’s glorybox. There were some small scuffs on it from where Kíli had wiped his feet that fateful night¸ though now Bilbo couldn’t help but smile at the marks. After all, his mother probably wouldn’t have worked herself into state over a simple box, why should he?

“…Bilbo?”

Bilbo blinked, looking up to see the dwarves looking at him curiously. “Oh, I suppose I got lost in thought, hm?” Shaking the thoughts from his head, he smiled, “I suppose now we should focus on unwinding from a long journey. I’ll just get some food ready for supper so we can eat after everyone’s washed up.”

Then Bilbo remembered that his pantry had been all but bare when he left, and he didn’t imagine the Sackville-Baggins had kept Bag End well stocked. He sighed, “I’ll have to make a run to the market if I’m going to be making a nice meal going for tonight.”

“You don’t need to cook for us, Bilbo.” Ori shook his head, “You know we can eat just about anything.”

“I do know that.” Bilbo laughed, “But I’m hardly going to miss the chance to cook you all a proper hobbit meal, now am I? I didn’t last time you were in Bag End because I wasn’t expecting you, but I am not making that mistake twice, not am I?”

“If you insist.” Thorin replied, “Then I shall accompany you.

Bilbo smiled, going through his bag to find his money, “Why thank you Thorin, I’m sure the extra hands will be helpful trying to carry all the food back.”

“Fíli and I will come too!” Kíli grinned, turning to find his brother, “Fíli!”

The blond prince made his appearance, likely walking out of one of the back rooms in the bowels of Bag End (at the thought of bowels, Bilbo couldn’t help but hope that this time around, Bag End’s plumbing would be able to handle 13 dwarves). “What’s going on?”

“We’re having a family outing with Uncle and Auntie!” Kíli slung his arm around Bilbo’s shoulder.

Bilbo chuckled, grabbing a basket, “Careful, if you treat me like an auntie, I will act like an auntie.”

“Too late, Bilbo.” Fíli smirked, “You already do. By now, yours and Uncle’s wedding is just a formality.”

That comment made Bilbo scoff, “Oh yes, the most formal of formalities of all time.” Deciding to forgo his coat, Bilbo made his way to the door, “Come along then, we have food to buy.”

As Bilbo made his way from Bag End down to the market, he couldn’t help but listen to the dwarf feet behind him and think just how amusing it was that he was leading a dwarven royal family to go shopping.

* * *

 

If there was one thing funnier than leading three royal dwarves to market, it was watching them with their arms full of fresh groceries.

“This is payback for the grocer comment, isn’t it?” Thorin muttered as Bilbo put a bunch of carrots into the basket he was holding.

Bilbo only chuckled, “I don’t understand how being a grocer is an insult, but I for one am excited to finally cook with fresh vegetables instead of just meat.”

Both Fíli and Kíli groaned, “And we were doing so well to make you into a proper dwarf…” Fíli shook his head.

“I _knew_ we shouldn’t have stopped in Rivendell on our way here.” Kíli added with a small whine.

“How old are you two again?” Bilbo raised an eyebrow, “Nearly twice my age?”

The brothers both laughed, but Thorin wrinkled his nose, “Try not to phrase it that way, it is rather unnerving…”

Bilbo had to concede that it probably was strange for Thorin to marry someone younger than his nephews, even if Bilbo had explained the differences in lifespans. He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry about that.” He chuckled softly, “How about we go buy some meat for dinner? I’ll make a lovely roast for all of us…well, I suppose I’ll have to make several roasts, but you get my meaning.”

He could almost see the excitement light up on the faces of the line of Durin. While both Fíli and Kíli were more prone to smile than Thorin was (though that was changing slowly, Bilbo had noticed), it was the light in their eyes that always gave them away. Bilbo couldn’t help but feel his heart warm as he realized just how much he had come to love this family, and how soon he would be part of it.

So if Bilbo’s smile grew as they made their way to the butcher’s, it was his little secret.

Considering the fact that he was cooking for 13 dwarves and himself, Bilbo bought nearly every type of meat available in the small shop. The poor butcher had seemed overwhelmed, especially when Bilbo had been forced to pay with a solid gold cup (to Bilbo’s embarrassment, he did not have enough coins to pay for the order). And after that, Bilbo was quite glad to have three strong dwarves carrying baskets of food for him.

They were making their way to pick up flour (because Bilbo had no idea if there was any flour left in Bag End and he was just _dying_ to bake a pie), when he noticed both Fíli and Kíli seemed distracted, “What is it, you two?”

Fíli seemed wary, “We may be attacked.” He said cautiously.

Bilbo couldn’t help but snort, “I highly doubt that. Hobbits aren’t keen to fight—” he ignored Thorin’s scoff, “and even if they were, they wouldn’t be stupid enough to— _oh shut up, you!”_ Bilbo had to stop as he could _clearly_ hear Thorin stifling a chortle. He shook his head, “Anyway Fíli, why do you think we’d be attacked?”

“We’re being watched.” Kíli added, jerking his head discreetly toward one end of the market.

When he followed the direction in which Kíli had mentioned, Bilbo had to resist the urge to laugh. It was naught but a group of tweens (or at least they couldn’t be much older than that), who were staring at them and whispering to each other. Granted, the entire market was staring at them (because really, how often does one see three dwarves follow around an oddly dressed hobbit?), but the rest of them at least could pretend to not be staring. This group hadn’t quite learned the art of being subtle, so they were content to stare opening at the group. When Bilbo saw the blush passing over the cheeks of several of the lasses and a few of the lads in the group, he couldn’t help but chuckle, “We aren’t going to be attacked, you two.”

“Then why are they watching us?” Fíli frowned.

“They aren’t watching us, they’re watching you two.” Bilbo nodded seriously, though inwardly, he found the whole thing rather cute.

Kíli stared at Bilbo, his eyes flitting back to the group of hobbits every once in a while, “ _Why?”_

For a moment, Bilbo thought Kíli was joking. But seeing the same look on Fíli’s face had put a slight damper on that line of thought. They were both genuinely confused, “Oh goodness…” Bilbo looked at Thorin, but the great King under the Mountain seemed to be of no help. He shook his head, “You two are a pair of young exotic-looking lads, of course any young hobbit would be staring at you, blushing like mad.”

Two sets of eyes clouded with confusion, but Bilbo was not in the mood to spell things out for them. “You’re two good looking dwarves, now go over there and talk to them!” With that, Bilbo gave both princes a gentle, but firm nudge in the direction of the young hobbit group.

It was slightly awkward, watching Fíli and Kíli trying to interact with the youths; which was strange, considering how confident (if not arrogant) they had been entering Bilbo’s home all those months ago. But soon the two princes began to bloom under all the attention they were receiving, which made Bilbo chuckle slightly, “Honestly, those two…”

He paused, mainly because he could feel Thorin standing close beside him, but also because he could feel the dwarf king’s hand on his consort braid. Bilbo looked at Thorin to see his lover running his fingers over the braid and touching the bead fondly, “You act like you’re their uncle already…” Thorin said fondly.

Bilbo smiled shyly, “I suppose I’d have to get started sometime.” He chortled lightly, “Though it was rather amusing, to see them so confused over a bunch of fawning tweens as if they had never dealt with admirers before.”

Thorin didn’t say anything for a while, simply holding Bilbo’s braid in his hand. He looked at Bilbo evenly, “The line of Durin,” He said finally, “is not the most attractive, by dwarf standards.”

“You’re…not attractive…” Bilbo raised an eyebrow, “Is it the beard thing?”

“There is that,” Thorin admitted, “And our noses are a bit…small…”

“They’re long.” Bilbo pointed out, hoping to make Thorin feel better.

“Beaky, I’ve heard it been said.”

“Well, I _like_ your beak, thank you very much.” Bilbo nodded firmly, before remembering the point of their current conversation. He blinked, “No…you’re telling me that the boys…don’t tell me they think they’re _ugly_.”

Thorin grimaced slightly, “Perhaps not quite like that…homely, perhaps…”

Bilbo raised an eyebrow, “Homely…Ha!” he shook his head, “Maybe by dwarf standards. By Hobbit standards, you three are quite exotic and ruggedly handsome.” He paused, “Oh dear…I should tell the boys not to accept any flowers…”

“Flowers?” Thorin asked, curious.

“Yes, flowers.” Bilbo nodded, “Plenty are used in courtship, and if they accept the wrong flowers, they may end up in an unexpected engagement.”

Thorin snorted, “And then we’d have more hobbits to bring to Erebor.”

The thought of Fíli and Kíli dragging a pair of hobbits from the Shire all the way to Erebor was too much for Bilbo, he began to laugh in earnest. Honestly, the image was the most humorous thing he had thought of in days. And, judging by the low chuckle sounding from Thorin, his fiancé agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much domestic fluff!
> 
> And aww, Fili and Kili! I just love the headcannon floating around that the line of Durin is a bit on the plain side by dwarf standards because they look so different in the movie. I just thought it'd be cute for the boys to finally be the center of admiration.
> 
> And yes, the thought of them finding a hobbit and being like "Can we keep them?" amuses me to no end.
> 
> I really wanted to have Saradoc and Paladin show up in this chapter, but I couldn't find a way that made sense. Maybe they'll show up during dinner.
> 
> Next chapter, I might feature what the other dwarves are doing in Bag End while the royal family outing is occurring. I'm thinking of featuring some other pairings getting comfortable and other fluff (so much fluff in this fic...)

**Author's Note:**

> Teehee, oh Bilbo, you aren't a gentlehobbit anymore!
> 
> How do you think people will react to seeing the new Bilbo?
> 
> What should happen next? Any other pairings you want to see?


End file.
